Review by John Hellier
I’ve talked in previous reviews (Our World is ended specifically) about Japanese games being breast obsessed. Well, apparently that was just a taste of things to come because my word Omega Labyrinth Life turns the dial-up way past 11…
Now, this is interesting for a couple of reasons, which you know I’m going to get in to, but first things first let’s get some housekeeping out of the way. Coming from D3 Publisher and Matrix Gaming is quite possibly the most fan service game to make it to this side of the world.
What makes this interesting for reasons other than jiggly boobs is that there are 2 versions of this game being released. Labyrinth Life is coming to the PS4, which has had a lot of content, and even the iconic jubbly accentuating omega symbol in the title, removed in order to get a release.
Omega Labyrinth Life, however, is the uncut, fun bag celebrating the game that the creators intend. Now, which console do you think allows this (as if you haven’t read the title of this review)? That’s right, family-friendly Nintendo…No wonder the internet says we are in the clown world…
The observant amongst you may have noticed how I’m trying to use different words for boobs every time, that’s because I have become so used to them from playing Omega Labyrinth Life that I need to add variety to keep my interest.
I’d heard this game was going to be knocker heavy, but even as much of a connoisseur of animated lady lumps as I am, even I was impressed by the commitment to bosoms here.
Omega Labyrinth Life is the 3rd game in the Omega Labyrinth series, and as far as I’m aware the first released outside of Japan.
I know Omega Labyrinth Z never made its way westward, I know because I followed the news on that game religiously (yes, yes, I am a depraved animal, get over it). So when Omega Labyrinth Life was offered for review, I was all over it like a fat kid on candy.
I thought I knew what I was in for, I was wrong.
At the core, Omega Labyrinth Life is a rogue-like RPG. You delve into dungeons, acquiring loot and fighting enemies if you die you lose all your current equipment, etc.
Taken on its own this is a nice little game, a reminder of simpler times before the modern trappings 1st person perspective or complex combat systems. Not to say it is boring, I’ve had fun re-running dungeons grinding out equipment and materials, earning Omega Points and such.
This is the underwire in the bra, keeping the bouncing baps in place.
Set in an all-girls boarding school (obviously), the main character is the first transfer student the school has ever received. On her first night, the magical garden which never withers mysteriously does so, leading you to be the main suspect.
You are tasked with fighting through dungeons to find magical water in order to revive the flower Goddess and bring the garden back into bloom. Blooming is a major theme in Omega Labyrinth Life, in more ways than one.
The supporting characters are the standard anime girl fare, from the quiet shy one to the secretly bitchy idol, to the wealthy yet friendly heiress, there is a waifu for every taste. Again, this is not that unusual for a Japanese game, so why the claim of melons mania? Well, let’s motorboat that mystery.
Omega Power is the main focal factor in Omega Labyrinth Life, it’s what helps flowers grow, gives your characters strength and basically makes all things.
Well, what’s wrong with that I hear you cry…Omega Power is stored in the chest…Yeah, now you are starting to see, and yet, we’ve only just begun. To paraphrase the late Gene Wilder, “Come with me, and you’ll be, in a world of mammary inflation…”
For starters, earn enough power in a dungeon and you increase your cup size in that dungeon, increasing your stats as well. Any conversations you have with characters involves no animation apart from a wave from the twins as each character bounces to announce who is talking.
The size increase carries over into these too. Now you think that might be the end, oh dear reader, I’ve not even broken out the lube. 2 more items need addressing, a large pair that need examining. To get really hands-on with…ok, I’ll move on now.
First up, the great decider, Rock Paper Scissors (those who mentally added Lizard Spock please report to depopulation immediately). Of course, here we have had a name change, we are now playing Tit for Tat. “How the Hell do you play Rock Paper Scissors with sweater stretchers???” I’m glad you asked Mr. Narrative Device, allow me to explain.
Simply put, each stick controls one dumpling. Squeeze them together for Rock, pull them apart for Paper, push one up and one down for Scissors. This is done in cleavage view, cutting out everything except the goods.
You and your opponent are split-screen above each other, so try not to get distracted. Fyi, one of the many features removed from the PS4 version. Along with my personal favorite, Size Up.
No, this isn’t inflating the chest balloons with a bicycle pump (rather surprisingly that isn’t a feature, despite the suggestiveness of the idea). What we have instead is analyzing unformed items and equipment.
As I said, everything is made from Omega’s power, and these objects need more power to be useful. Power stored in your orbs of wonder…Yep, it’s just how you think.
Basically, for those of you without an imagination, said items start as small capsules nestled gently between your love pillows, where once again you control them with the sticks (or touchscreen if you prefer the hands-on approach).
This time you are tasked with grinding the power out of your puppies into the small unformed capsule. This causes the capsule to lengthen and engorge until eventually, it bursts out with shining white light…subtle. I’ll remind you now this is on a Nintendo system.
Outside of the dungeons, things take on a whole new dimension. Characters are all portrayed in a cutesy chibi style with nary a nork to be seen. Here you can upgrade items, my supplies and tend to your garden (strangely enough, not a euphemism).
You can plant various flowers and harvest them in order to gain upgrade materials, and acquire the second currency, nectar.
This is used to buy seeds and other items for your garden and also used to increase character stats, in a minigame called Blooming Time (I said blooming was a running theme, scroll back if you don’t believe me). And what is blooming time you ask? Given the rest of the game, it’s hardly going to involve plants…
What we have is various settings with the individual girls in, let’s be generous, compromising positions. The goal is to make them “blossom” by touching special points that appear on the girls’ bodies.
Once enough touching has occurred, the image switches from compromising to 110% compromised, time stops briefly and you can touch wherever in order to help the girls “blossom”. You will know when that happens because they release a torrent of “sweat”, which incidentally can be used to water your garden. Nothing suspect here at all.
So if you can look past the gratuitous gazongas (cut me some slack, I’m at the bottom of the barrel here) there is a fun game here.
Or if (not like me I swear) you want to look at them, you are amply supplied with eye candy. Just maybe play in private to avoid judgemental stares and shaking heads.
Of course, if you’re like me you will wear your shame proudly and write a review on a public website, declaring your enjoyment of this “art” to the world. I suppose all that is left, apart from maybe a cold shower, is the score. In honor of the commitment to tiddies, I award Omega Labyrinth Life…
Overall Score Given 8/10
Well technically it’s 8.008135 but I’m rounding to the nearest whole number…that and it’s the closest number to resembling tits.